Healing our Inner Child…means Healing our Wounded Soul… means Processing, Healing and Releasing Past Trauma Memory…
In my last blog I introduced the reader to the fellowship of ACA[ACOA]; learning how to recognize that our past shouldn’t define us and the ways and means to make this so. A big part of this solution is to learn to reparent ourselves and to make friends with our inner child; to learn to allow this neglected part of ourselves to come alive.
I can’t do this on my own!
For too long I didn't think I could trust anyone; if they really knew me, knew all my faults and defects, they would run a mile; wearing masks, people pleasing or controlling/manipulating others; became the only ways to cope.
It took me over half of my life to learn; I couldn't change my past, having no power over it, bringing it into the present caused my life and relationships to spin out of control; that I was responsible only for today and this meant the baggage i was carrying, and suffering, isn't mine!
Not being mine, but feeling it meant it was in some way a part of me, it didn't make sense otherwise.
The concept of the inner child ticked all the boxes.
All of the different past aspects of me who suffered events in my past, they were the rightful owners of the burdens I carried into the present.
I mentioned in an earlier blog to create a timeline from one’s birth ,extending past this point and on into infinity.
For me, when first looking at my inner child, i focused on the aspect of me to suffered the abuse and found it very healing to have intimate conversations with him using the letter writing practice I shared two blogs before. Writing from myself with my dominant hand and the returning letter from 12 year old Little Richard with my non-dominant hand, made it all the more real and healing for me.
over time it came to be that there were more than one inner child that needed to be heard and healed.to be honest being 60 years old today, every past aspect of me going back through my adult life, and on into childhood could all be treated as an inner child, but for my own healing, felt best to start with my 4 core aspects who suffered the primary trauma events.
The infant little Richard at birth lost the ability to trust the basic survival instinct to fight.
I reach this conclusion as all my life; up until now; have never been able to stand up for myself in any situation. i don't say this with any great sense of pride and for too long i allow it to define me as a coward and a victim, but today I recognize this was my case and i release it as such, with love and gratitude.
the 4 year old Little Richard , dropped to school my his mummy who left quickly and he felt a great sense of abandonment, going into a corner, turning his back on the class and crying . [ from what i remember/was told ,this went of for about 4 days]
From an early age I have felt like the blacksheep of the family, not knowing whether this originated here or not, but the thought resonates with me.
The 12 year old Little Richard who suffered the abuse, it never was an option for him to say no ,or fight back ,all he could do was sit in silence and not draw anymore attention to the situation
This is the deepest wound I carried, this child felt such shame and guilt, the fact that he didn’t fight back ,he must have caused it, even wanted or liked it. this was by far the deepest hurt that I found myself carrying for over 40 years and not wanting to abandon him or reject him , felt compelled to suffer his event as a sign of support. This was my mistake, i needed to correct this and give it back to him.
The 15 year old Little Richard, suffered horrible physical ,mental and emotional bullying and teasing in a boarding school the younger 12 year old ran away to, to escape the abuse environment,; literally out of the frying pan and into the fire!
Of all my inner children that needed love and support this is the aspect that; for me; needed the most love and attention. This led me to write to each of my 4 core Little Richards, but a bigger part of this was focusing on the 15 year old aspect. today i give them the opportunity to communicate with one another, through this writing exercise and the benefit to me is enormous.
I believe by healing all of our inner children we in turn heal our soul, which in turns fills us with renewed Hope, Joy and Purpose. There are other benefits too, like learning to love and accept ourselves; better self worth and belief in self; compassion and tolerance for ourselves that we did the best we could with what we had; and most importantly, we forgive ourselves, we see that we are prefect just as we are, here today.
It’s my belief that we each, are God’s creations; perfect exactly as we are; with all our history, defects and shortcomings; we are unique spiritual beings in these physical forms; created for a reason; others can do what we do, but no-one else can do what we can do with out spirit, our life force energy; that is unique to each of us.
Ihave heard it said ,those who suffer the most make the best healers, and i believe this is very true.
When we can accept that the past trauma memory that we have been suffering for so long, is no longer ours to bear; that it is time to give it back to whichever inner child owns it; in that moment we become healers; we have the experience of sufferings and them releasing; we can help others to walk this path.
We are not alone. Our inner children become our angels that watch over us; as we become new creations; embracing this new life of Joy, Hope and Purpose.